Don’t Let Anyone Get Away With Taking Advantage of You

Everyone wants something for free now-a-days.  It seems its doesn’t matter how long you spend on a project or how much time and effort you would need to put into something, someone, somewhere is going to throw such a laughable low ball offer at you that it will be hard to either walk away immediately or just start laughing.

This recently happened to me.  More than once actually, but I will just share the one on my mind now.

I am always looking for ways to make more money from home.  Somehow, someway, I ended up on the Universal Life Church’s webpage discussing the ordination process so that you can perform weddings.  I’m not religious in the least but plenty of non-religious folks look for people like me to marry them.  So, I said what the heck and became ordained.

I figured my first ceremony would be nerve wracking and anxiety producing.  I had no intentions on charging very much at all.  I figured I would chalk it up to experience.  Well, the first meeting went down hill almost immediately.  I had driven 40 minutes to THEM for the discussions.

So, I was already losing money.

We discussed the details and what the event was going to be like. They didn’t have internet access so now I’m also on the hook for doing all the research on finding the perfect vows and words for a couple whom I had known for roughly 10 minutes. Then I was expected to drive to their home, discuss revisions, then get back to research until I found the perfect words THEY wanted.  They don’t live in the same town either.  Yes, I know officiates meet with the couple and discuss these things but it was always me coming to them and them not offering much in the way of any sort of direction.

I told them about probably wanting to order a something like the frame-able marriage certificates and possibly the book to help find the perfect words, etc.

Then they also found out I did photography so lets add in a few hours of photos after I perform the ceremony and THEN hours upon hours of wedding editing of said photos.

So, we are up to a few hours initial consultation…my dime.  Hours of quessing which vows will mean the most to them them AND doing revisions as necessary – while *I* drive back and forth to their home, free.  Then the driving to the ceremony, conducting the ceremony, taking roughly 5 hours of photos quickly followed by hours and hours of editing before presenting them with all their photos.

Their offer for my services?!  GAS MONEY TO GET TO THE SERVICE.  So, roughly $15 if I’m being generous.

$15 for probably 20 hours of work.

I’m sorry but I would be entirely embarrassed to offer someone that amount of money (especially when you don’t know them) for that amount of work.

You know this isn’t going to end well.

They were supposed to order the online stuff that Friday.  I heard nothing from them for 2 weeks.  Not until it was Wednesday and this wedding was supposed to happen Saturday.  Today I get the nastiest message accusing ME of ruining things for them. It was nasty enough that I laid it all out on the line like I did above.  First and foremost I told them I assumed they found someone cheaper (lol) because they never contacted me about ordering the online items.  Not a peep until this outrageous yet pathetic attempt to blame me for everything.  I explained that when I didn’t hear anything that Friday about ordering the online items that things were off.  Was I supposed to pay for that as well?  I had hoped a ridiculous situation had just died out.

Of course they get verbally abusive so I ask…Hey, would you like to come over and do 20 hours worth of work for me for $15?  I got a quick “fuck you.”  My sentiments exactly.

I was willing to give them a great deal but them paying my gas money was so far beyond insulting that I was glad they never got back to me.  I even gave them an option 2 that was still wayyyyy below fair but I would have done it.  They couldn’t get back to me on that either.  3 days before the wedding though is apparently the time to get things settled.

Just for fun lets see what normal average officiates receive, then photographers, then editors.  I’m wondering how their offer compares.

In the state of NY, the general average cost of an officiate is: (according to http://weddings.costhelper.com/wedding-officiant.html)

• Expect to pay $50 to $100 for a simple civil ceremony by a justice of the peace, possibly at your local city hall, county courthouse or at a park. An intern minister or retired judge might charge$100 to $200. And an experienced church minister or a professional celebrant might charge$200 to $400 or more.
• The average cost for a pastor or priest to officiate at a wedding is $263, according to The Bridal Association of America

For a Photographer:  I found quotes ranging from $775-$4900+.  And yes, I was bringing a back up to shoot the ceremony seeing as tho I couldn’t do it because I was conducting the ceremony.

I also found that officiates charge $.30-$.50 a mile driven to take care of all this stuff.

No, I am NOT a professional, but that amount of time and commitment deserved well about $15.

It is hard enough to start out doing something kind of new, but it is near impossible to go into any endeavor with confidence when you are dealing with people who are just out to use you for what they can get out of you.

It’s VERY important to have a plan going INTO any sort of project or side job.  Know what beginners make.  Don’t feel bad asking people to pay for the skills and education that you have put into your work.  Get to know your business(es) inside and out so that you can confidently approach negotiations with a firm number in mind – otherwise you may very well end up losing money, and none of us are in it for that.

Create a detailed business plan with the services you offer and the rates you charge.  Don’t feel sorry about raising your rates as your skills improve.

And one last thing – immediately walk away and say you’re not interested if you’re offered anything even remotely close to the above.  I tried to come up with other ways to help them but in the end, it ended up a huge mess anyway.  They weren’t going to be happy with anything except someone working their ass off for them for what basically amounted to nothing.  It would have needed up costing ME money to do what they wanted.